Right now I’m sitting in my apartment in the United States — well, technically it’s a “luxury” one-bedroom that smells like burnt popcorn because my neighbor insists on making it at 2 a.m. — and I’m staring at the last invoice I paid a financial consultant. $375 for 50 minutes. And honestly? I still don’t know if it was worth it.
A financial consultant (sometimes they call themselves advisor, planner, wealth manager, money coach — the titles are endless) is supposed to help regular people like me not completely destroy our financial future. But the reality is way messier than the LinkedIn headshots suggest.
The glamorous stuff they show you on their website
- Build you a “personalized financial plan”
- Optimize your investment portfolio
- Help with retirement accounts (401(k), IRA, Roth whatever)
- Talk about taxes, estate planning, insurance, college savings
- Tell you to “diversify” seventeen times in one meeting
Sounds great. And sometimes it actually is.
But let me tell you what actually happens when you’re sitting across from one (or on Zoom because nobody meets in person anymore).
The chaotic day-to-day reality I’ve personally witnessed
First meeting I had with mine (back in late 2024 when I was freaking out about a bonus I didn’t want to accidentally blow):
He spent 18 minutes asking me questions I could have answered in a Google Form.
- “How much risk are you comfortable with?” → Bro I panic-sold everything in March 2020 at -34%. My risk tolerance is apparently “regret.”
- “What are your short-term and long-term goals?” → Short-term: stop doom-scrolling Zillow at 1 a.m. Long-term: maybe not die at my desk.
Then he pulled up this gorgeous pie chart that had 0.3% in “cash equivalents,” 12% in “international developed equities,” blah blah blah.
I nodded like I understood while secretly calculating how many iced lattes that 0.3% cash could buy me.
He never once asked me the real questions:
- Do you compulsively buy $14 cocktails when you’re anxious?
- Are you still paying $128/month for a gym you haven’t visited since the Obama administration?
- Do you have $47,000 in student loans but also $9,000 worth of vintage band tees you refuse to sell?
Those are the actual leaks.
What they spend most of their time doing (my paranoid theory)
From talking to three different consultants over the years (yes I’m a serial first-dater with money people), here’s where the hours really go:
- Convincing you not to YOLO your entire rollover IRA into meme stocks the week after you sign the agreement
- Rebalancing your portfolio once a quarter while explaining why last quarter’s rebalance lost money
- Filling out the same risk-tolerance questionnaire you already filled out for your 401(k) provider
- Having hour-long debates about whether you should do Roth conversions in a year when your income is weirdly high because of RSUs
- Sending you monthly performance reports that you never open but feel guilty about not opening
The embarrassing thing I’ll admit right now
Last year I paid a guy $2,800 in fees over 12 months.
My net worth went up ~$4,200 during that time.
The S&P 500 went up ~11.8%.
Do the math. I basically paid someone a lot of money to underperform the market while I drank oat milk lattes and pretended I was being “responsible.”
And yet… I still kinda liked him? He was nice. He listened. He didn’t shame me when I admitted I had $3,200 sitting in a 0.01% savings account like it was 2009.
That emotional support might have actually been worth something.
Crazy, right?
So… should you hire one? My current hot take (January 2026)
It depends on your mess level.
If your finances look like this bullet list, probably yes:
- You have >$150k invested and still feel paralyzed
- You’re getting hit with surprise AMT or NIIT and have no idea why
- You’re about to inherit money and don’t want to light it on fire
- You and your spouse fight about money more than you fight about anything else
If you’re mostly just trying to stop buying dumb stuff on Amazon at 2 a.m., then maybe just use:
- YNAB or PocketGuard
- Low-cost index funds (VTI + VXUS is still undefeated in my book)
- The subreddit r/personalfinance wiki (seriously it’s embarrassingly good)
Final messy thoughts before I go reheat this coffee
A financial consultant is part therapist, part spreadsheet wizard, part accountability buddy, and part very expensive Google.
Most of the value isn’t in the fancy Monte Carlo projections.
It’s in the moments when they say:
“You’re allowed to enjoy some of the money now. You don’t have to wait until you’re 67 and your knees don’t work.”
That sentence alone probably saved me from turning into the guy who eats plain oatmeal for 30 years just to retire with $8 million.
Anyway.
If you’re thinking about hiring one — interview at least three. Ask them how they get paid (fee-only is usually less conflict-of-interest-y). And be brutally honest about your habits.
They can’t help you if you’re lying to them… or to yourself.
Got a financial consultant horror story or a surprisingly wholesome one? Drop it below. I’m nosy.
(And yes I still have that $47 in my savings rounding-error account. Don’t @ me.)
For more credible / less chaotic info: → CFP Board – What Does a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ Professional Do? → Investopedia – Financial Advisor vs. Financial Consultant → NerdWallet – How to Choose a Financial Advisor
Love you. Be nice to your money. — me, currently eating cold pizza while refreshing my brokerage app
